Day 53 January 25 AM

Dear Lyle:

I've been thinking a lot about my scripture reading last night. It was in 1 Nephi where Nephi broke his steel bow and they were starving and everyone, including Lehi was murmuring.  Everyone except for Nephi.  I want to be strong like Nephi.  I want to face adversity and trust in the Lord to guide my path.  I've given it up to God a couple of times, throughout all of this ordeal, but it takes so much faith to not worry and leave it God's hands.  But, the time or two I have done that, I've felt such peace and warmth.  I'm praying every day that I can do that.  Especially as your next hearing approaches.

The first time I truly gave it up to God, placed it all in his hands and said "You are in charge of my life, Heavenly Father.  You see all things, you know all things.  I am giving it back to you and letting you guide this."  was the evening of December 28.  The next day was another hearing.  You were still in jail.  I was trying to string along your work, to keep your job and I couldn't take anymore.  I read a quote about Heavenly Father being in charge of our lives, and realized I had been trying to assert my own will on Heavenly Father.  So, my prayers changed. I just somehow released it all and said how ever you need to guide this situation, Father, I know it is your will.  My last and most earnest prayer was about 6:00 am Dec. 29.  The peace that filled me as I finished the prayer was almost overwhelming.  I knew for that one moment that everything that day was going to be okay.  When Kara stopped by at 7:00 on her way to your hearing I told her I had a strong feeling you'd get that day.  She wanted to know how I knew.  I just felt it. Of course, at the hearing you were released to go back to work.  The whole, ugly thing wasn't over, but at the end of that day, you weren't in jail.  So, now I try to do that same thing.  It's hard.  I know God is in charge, I just worry so much.

But Nephi, he didn't worry.  He was hungry and even his father was murmuring, but he prayed and went on. I want that kind of faith. 

It's a normal Wednesday.  Gabby is back, she feels much better.  Chace is screeching, as usual.  Xander is still of track and trying to help while driving me crazy.  He misses you.  Both Hailey and Angela wanted to know when Lyle was coming back.  He's not coming back I had to tell them.  They miss you.

Shauna